Equipped to Support: Parenting Tools for Teens Facing Mental Health Struggles.

Parenting a teen, especially in today's climate is difficult to say the least. Parenting a teen with mental health issues is a whole other task. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has been counseling teens and their parents for over 20 years, I'm here to help you navigate this challenge!

The first thing you need to know before you start, is your role. As a parent, your role to your teen that is challenged with mental health issues is NOT:

• a friend

• a therapist

• an advisor

Your role as a parent IS:

• a good listener

• a good empathizer

• a person that reminds your teen to use their coping skills

• a navigator to help your teen connect with mental health and possibly psychiatric services

• a possible participant in family therapy with your teen

• a person available for a hug when needed

With that being said, let's get down to how you can help. First off, you need to gage the seriousness of your child's issue/s. You can do this by using The Child Mind Institute's free symptom checklist. This can give you an idea if your teen possibly has a clinical diagnosis and/or if it appears serious enough to seek professional help.

If you determine it is SERIOUS ENOUGH, then seek professional help. If you DON'T think it is SERIOUS ENOUGH, but are concerned, you can still help by doing some of the following things:

• Seek your own therapy. This can help you with things like using calm and effective communication with your teen, anger management when you get triggered by them, and emotional regulation. It can also help you get some introspection on how your past/current trauma and/or current behavior is and/or has been affecting your teen. By making some small changes in you, you can support positive changes in your teen.

• Help to remove stress off their plate. Mental health only worsens with stress. Sometimes teens are so involved in their own activities, peer relations, and/or school projects that they don't have the self-awareness to know that they are over-stressed. Communicating with your teen when they appear stressed and asking "How can I help?", makes all the difference. Examples of this would be doing your teen's chores for the day, helping them with their homework even if they don't ask, and picking them up for school when they usually walk. It's the little things that matter.

• Practice reflective listening. This is when the parent uses their own words to rephrase what their teen said to them, to make sure they feel understood. Keep at it until your teen confirms that yes you do understand what they are trying to say.

• Respecting your teen's privacy. It is very easy to barge into your teen's room without knocking on the door, even if you are dropping off their laundry. But this could be a major violation in their eyes. A teen's privacy is one of the most important things to them at this particular developmental stage.

• Acknowledge their struggles and praise their accomplishments. Whether they just took a test at school and got a good grade, or picked up the bathroom mat after taking a shower PRAISE THEM! Teens want to feel seen, heard, and "part of" so support that. If you see them struggling to get out of bed in the morning for school you can say, "Gosh you must have a lot on your plate because you are so tired, can I help today by taking something off your plate?"

• Be a role model for good mental and physical health. Teens will follow by your example. Try to have a regular exercise schedule, engage in positive mental health practices (ex. yoga, mindfulness, therapy), and keep regular good nutrition. Teens are smart they can easily put two and two together. If they see you happy, they will want to know why, and believe it or not they will follow your example.

These are just some ways to support, but they are a good start. You will see positive changes in your teen by just practicing some of these tips. Good luck on your parenting journey, it is the most important role you will ever have in your life.